Download: DJ Khaled - "I Wanna Be with You" (Dirty)
Stream: "I Wanna Be with You" (Soundcloud)
A frog walks into a bar. The only people there are the bartender and a psychic nursing her beer. Tell me my future, says the frog to the psychic. "You'll meet a beautiful princess," replies the psychic. "She'll dig you so much, she'll want to know everything about you."Frog: Really?
Frog: When will I meet her?
Psychic: "Next semester. In Biology class.
What? Not funny?
Fine, I know someone who can do better. Last month, DJ Khaled delivered one of the funniest jokes hip-hop has seen yet. With MTV cameras rolling and corny elevator music playing in the background, Khaled held up a diamond ring and proposed to Nicki Minaj. "I like you, I love you, I want you to be mine," he said. The world simultaneously cringed and chuckled.I, too, fell for it. Then, I glanced at the upcoming albums calendar I keep handy for my monthly picks. And there it was, the missing part to the puzzle: Khaled, it turns out, has a new album on the way. His fantasy bride Nicki Minaj is named as a collaborator. The signs were there all along, in that MTV video. "We got the same symptoms, we're both suffering from success," Khaled said. And he ended the video with "I wanna be with you." Translation: "I Wanna Be with You" is the Nicki Minaj-featured single from DJ Khaled's album, Suffering from Success.
So hold on to your flowers, bridesmaids. No matrimonial vows to be read over here, just dohllaz to be made.
Gimmicks aside, the song is halfway decent, mostly because Nicki Minaj is the only one interested in rapping. Future is coo cooing too a line too monotonous to be real ("Wanna be with you," he says, like a thousand times). Rick Ross serves up a medley of cliches, hashtagging his way to a painfully bland Kurt Cobain metaphor ("White tee and these rope chains, blow the roof back - Kurt Cobain").
Nicki seizes the opportunity to kick her meanest guest verse since "Monster." And it sounds like she still has Lil' Kim on the brain: "It's levels to this sh*t and she could never be Nic/Ni**as be fallin' in love with this pu**y/Mean stew chicken, and bake him a couple of cookies/D**k on veteran, ain't f**king with rookies."
The beat by Lee on tha Beats -- all synth waves and rolling drums, ain't half bad, either. DJ Khaled is credited as a co-producer, which will prompt further debate about what it is exactly he does around the studio. Think of it this way: Khaled is a master strategist. He's an entertainer. And an entertainer entertains, even if it means fake proposals set to elevator music.