Liveblogging the 2012 Grammys

If you watched the 54th Grammys you were part of the second largest audience in Grammy history. Many tuned in to see winners announced; I watched strictly for the sophisticated bow-ties. Here's my play by play recap of the 2012 Grammys. Good luck to you and your brain cells.

7:00 Who better to kick off the 54th Grammys than the OG Bawse, Bruce Muthaf&%*#n' Springsteen?

7:05 LL Cool J is hosting the Grammys. There's going to be a lot of lip-licking, y'all.

7:06 LL starts with a prayer in honor of Whitney Houston, who passed yesterday. Nice. "That said, welcome to the 54th Grammy Awards," says Cool J.

7:07 A video of Whitney Houston's stellar hit, "I Will Always Love You" just played on the screen to a raucous ovation. "Whitney, we'll always love you," adds Todd Smith at the end of the clip. LL is killing this hosting thing so far.

7:12 Is Bruno Mars the first person to perform songs from the same album at two different Grammys? He looks dapper, though -- gold blazer, black slacks and black wingtips. He's back on the retro tip.

7:14 And now I can't tell if he's doing splits or air humping the stage.

7:21 Alicia Keys and Bonnie Rait are performing "Sunday Kind of Love" in remembrance of Etta James. A Keys is wearing what looks a snip of Janelle Monae's hair. Katy Perry is rocking the same do. It's the night of androgynous pompadours, apparently.

7:25 And the Grammy for Best Pop Solo goes to: Adele, "Someone Like You." She thanks Dan Wilson and complains about her shoes. "I'm too tall, really. Maybe I should take these shoes off." Ha! Glad she hasn't lost her sense of humor.

7:27 Chris Brown is lip-synching. #fogdat

7:34 Fergie and Marc Anthony are here to present the Grammy for Best Rap Performance, because there's nothing more hip-hop than Fergie and Marc Anthony.

7:36 "How cool is it to see a hip-hop icon like LL hosting the Grammys." -- Fergie

7:37 And the Grammy for Best Rap Performance goes to: JAY-Z and Kanye West, "Otis." The Throne couldn't be here tonight; Yeezy is picking out a toy for his other other Benz, while Hov is holding down diaper duties.

7:57 Rihanna + the mute button = The two greatest modern inventions

8:03 Coldplay is on. That's my bathroom cue. BRB.

8:08 OK, I'm back, just in time for the 807th commercial break. So hey, while you wait, why don't you set your eyes on this picture of Nicki Minaj arriving the Grammys.

8:15 Oh, this is the rock section of the show. *Yawn*

8:16 *Flips through the channels* Oh snap, basketball is on. Sayonara.

9:04 Is this thing still on? Yesitis.

9:07 And now Ladies and Gentlemen, here to save the night, put your hands together for the Rogaine foam of pop music: Adele!

9:09 Adele's hair: is blonde and beautiful; Adele's dress: is black and beautiful; Adele's (new) voice: is husky and freaky.

9:25 Glen Campbell is the truth.

9:44 Earlier, we saw a clip of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." Now Jennifer Hudson is singing the same song in tribute to the late great vocalist. So beautiful.

9:46 Given that: 1) The Academy had less than 24 hours to conceive, plan and execute a Whitney Houston tribute and 2) the inimitability of Houston's voice makes finding the perfect singer an uphill task, you have to take your hats off to J-Hud for such a strikingly raw interpretation of a masterpiece.

9:55 Chris Brown is back for his second performance of the night. He's rocking the stage with Lil Wayne and David Guetta. Brown is singing this time but the performance is a hot mess.

10:05 Drake is here to introduce Nicki Minaj. Shockingly, he's not wearing a Cosby sweater. Of Nicki he says, "She went from sleeping on a bunk underneath me on the tour bus to becoming one of the greatest female artists in the world."

10:07 Nicki Minaj is doing some type of ... well, I have no clue what she's doing, I just want it to stop. Now.

10:08 I'm still watching this Minaj mess, hoping it'll get better at some point. There's an elaborate stage play. There's people in Catholic robes. There's a priest accompanied by little boys. There's fireworks. There's everything but good music.

10:12 And the Grammy for Record of the Year goes to: Adele, "Rolling in the Deep"

10:21 And the Grammy for Album of the Year goes to -- are you ready for this? Are you really ready for this? It's going to be a TOTAL SURPRISE, like, you will not believe what's happened here. OK, ready? --

Adele, 21.

10:22 Of course, Adele was going to win the Album of the Year. The real album of the year was not nominated. But Adele did thank Rick Rubin, so my night is made.

10:25 And Sir Paul to close the night. Cool guitar, dude.